Warning: Intense “Dark Knight” Spoilers ahead

July 20, 2008


Tonight I finally gave in and joined the masses fandango-ing tickets to see The Dark Knight. Unfortunately, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I would have liked, especially for how good it was, because I also enjoyed a small (which was for some reason larger than my face) diet coke during the 45 minutes of previews.

Thus, about 45 minutes through this lovely 2 hour and 20 minute film, I was in so much pain my leg was shaking. I haven’t had to run to the bathroom this badly since the first time I saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and I obviously wasn’t going to leave that movie. Every five minutes or so I would analyze my watch then the progression of the plot, trying to use my vast film education to figure out when would be the best point to take a break. Unfortunately this movie NEVER FREAKING LET UP! 

Oh, I could totally leave right…oh, no, the Joker just busted into the cocktail party? Right, I’ll stay for this. Alright, twenty minutes have passed, I’m sure I could sneak out…oh, what’s that, HUGE ASS CAR CHASE! THEY’VE GOT THE JOKER!? What’s going to happen next? Must stay put. So…much…pain… *insert intense leg spasm* Ok, interrogation, I’m sure I could leave for this paaaa…OH MY GOD RACHEL!!!! NOOO!!!! Ok, now for an act break of sorts?…or you know, blowing up a hospital. That works too. 

So, that sure was fun. Also fun was me sprinting from the theater, taking out the eight year olds sitting behind me in the process (to which I ask, who is taking eight year olds to this film that basically scared the crap out of me?) and running to the bathroom only to find one stall was mysteriously locked with no one inside and another had no toilet paper. After waiting for ten minutes, finally running into a bathroom just vacated, and then being told it too had just run out of toilet paper, I cursed the The Dark Knight, and it’s lack of any five minute span of boring screen time. I did finally get into a stall, and let me tell you, it was almost better than the movie. 

Other than that I have only three thoughts about the film that no one else has brought up: 

1) Why does anyone live in Gotham? It seems like a terribly frightening place. I would be getting myself out of there at the first sign of ridiculous craziness. I would NOT be waiting in a bar, watching the city burn, waiting to be forced out by a crazed, clown-faced maniac, who only wants me to get on a boat to test my humanity. I’m out WAY before that. For realsies. What’s wrong with these people?  

2) Why couldn’t Katie Holmes have kept playing Rachel if they were going to kill her? Then I would have been much less sad. I love Maggie Gyllenhaall. 

3) I think I picked the best Batman movie to see first. (Please don’t throw rocks at me. I have watched the George Clooney one. In French. In high school French class. Ok, that probably didn’t help.)



  1. DUDE. Why are you and I the same person? I said that exact same thing about Katie Holmes to my dad and brother after we left the theater yesterday. EXACT SAME THING.

    Okay, now first off, the George Clooney Batman was gay. George Clooney even said so. You need to watch the first one starring Michael Keaton from like 1988. It was directed by Tim Burton and starred Jack Nicholson as The Joker. Also, then you need to skip basically all the rest up until Batman Begins. It’s just as great as The Dark Knight. And not as scary.

    But the whole time I sat there in the theater going OMG HEATH IS DEAD. HEATH IS DEAD. OH NOOOOOOOOOOO.

  2. Let’s talk about how my roommates and I also had the Katie Holmes conversation!

    I would have been like, oh whatevs, Rachel’s dead…

    I mean obviously Maggie G. whoops Katie’s Scientology ass any day… and she’s a better actress.

  3. I haven’t seen it yet ( damn imax sold out for days..going this wednesday though ) but its good to hear the movie is living up to the hype. I was afraid it was getting such good early reviews BECAUSE Heath died and when actors die no one wants to say crap about them…so good to know the reviews are not biased because of that. As for the pee stuff….thats why Ive learned not to drink anything during the movies….cause they put some sort of pee excelerant in them!! lol

  4. I, too, wondered about Katie Holmes. I thought the whole reason they brought in Maggie was because she was a stronger actress, and I assumed she’d be also cast in any following movies. Christian Bale is already excited to reprise his role, so I don’t think this Batman reboot is going to end anytime soon. But I think that even though they were intending to kill off Rachel, I think that is specifically why they chose to change actresses: who would have cared if Katie would have died? It makes for a more poignant death when the audience actually likes the actress playing the character.

    See, I almost peed when I saw the movie last night, but I think it’s because I got so excited over seeing the Terminator preview. As soon as it started, I yelled out, “OH my GODS! Terminator!” and everyone around me was like, “What, they’re making a new one?” It looked so damn good.

  5. Every time I watch a Batman movie or read one of the comics, I wonder the same thing as you: why in Heather Sinclair’s name does ANYONE live in Gotham anymore? There’s a bridge! You have a car! In the comics, Gotham exists on the same planet as Metropolis, Superman’s fair city–go THERE!

    (Although I might risk being assaulted by a sociopathic clown if I stood the chance of catching a glimpse of someone as aesthetically pleasing as Christian Bale. Not gonna lie.)

  6. Haha, I know that pee feeling well. Finally letting it go after holding it so long? Yeah, it feels really good, haha!

    I’m glad you enjoyed the movie, I absolutely loved it!

  7. yeah gotham seems scary as hell. i probably would have moved out long before the second movie, haha.

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