Warning: Intense “Dark Knight” Spoilers aheadJuly 20, 2008
Tonight I finally gave in and joined the masses fandango-ing tickets to see The Dark Knight. Unfortunately, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I would have liked, especially for how good it was, because I also enjoyed a small (which was for some reason larger than my face) diet coke during the 45 minutes of previews.
Thus, about 45 minutes through this lovely 2 hour and 20 minute film, I was in so much pain my leg was shaking. I haven’t had to run to the bathroom this badly since the first time I saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and I obviously wasn’t going to leave that movie. Every five minutes or so I would analyze my watch then the progression of the plot, trying to use my vast film education to figure out when would be the best point to take a break. Unfortunately this movie NEVER FREAKING LET UP!
Oh, I could totally leave right…oh, no, the Joker just busted into the cocktail party? Right, I’ll stay for this. Alright, twenty minutes have passed, I’m sure I could sneak out…oh, what’s that, HUGE ASS CAR CHASE! THEY’VE GOT THE JOKER!? What’s going to happen next? Must stay put. So…much…pain… *insert intense leg spasm* Ok, interrogation, I’m sure I could leave for this paaaa…OH MY GOD RACHEL!!!! NOOO!!!! Ok, now for an act break of sorts?…or you know, blowing up a hospital. That works too.
So, that sure was fun. Also fun was me sprinting from the theater, taking out the eight year olds sitting behind me in the process (to which I ask, who is taking eight year olds to this film that basically scared the crap out of me?) and running to the bathroom only to find one stall was mysteriously locked with no one inside and another had no toilet paper. After waiting for ten minutes, finally running into a bathroom just vacated, and then being told it too had just run out of toilet paper, I cursed the The Dark Knight, and it’s lack of any five minute span of boring screen time. I did finally get into a stall, and let me tell you, it was almost better than the movie.
Other than that I have only three thoughts about the film that no one else has brought up:
1) Why does anyone live in Gotham? It seems like a terribly frightening place. I would be getting myself out of there at the first sign of ridiculous craziness. I would NOT be waiting in a bar, watching the city burn, waiting to be forced out by a crazed, clown-faced maniac, who only wants me to get on a boat to test my humanity. I’m out WAY before that. For realsies. What’s wrong with these people?
2) Why couldn’t Katie Holmes have kept playing Rachel if they were going to kill her? Then I would have been much less sad. I love Maggie Gyllenhaall.
3) I think I picked the best Batman movie to see first. (Please don’t throw rocks at me. I have watched the George Clooney one. In French. In high school French class. Ok, that probably didn’t help.)