That Time I Wanted to Kill Myself, but Killed Bugs Instead

June 27, 2008


This week was, by all accounts, pretty terrible. All I had to do was get through this week to get to the oasis that would be New York City with my sister, Jillian, and Lindsey. I wanted nothing big. Nothing stressful. Just the end of my class and some packing. The universe, apparently, wanted something else.

After being in a finicky, annoying mood on Tuesday for a number of reasons (living in filth, lots of reading, lack of quality television), I woke up Wednesday wanting to just be positive. Positive, positive, positive. I was going to get up early to go running before my class. (I’ve been making good progress on my way to running a 5K before the end of July.) I had my notes out to study for my final at 5:30. I had my gym class at 12. The day would go well. It had to go well. Then the day actually happened.

I got up and got ready to go running. I was planning on going to the gym early to run, and then study in the comfy gym chairs before my class. After getting ready, I decided to just stay at home (as not avoid dragging all my reading to the gym) to study and just run right before my class. I went into the kitchen, happy with my new plan, to make myself some breakfast and when I opened the garbage to throw out a wrapper, a swarm of gnats flew into my face! It was horrifying and disgusting. (If you know me at all, you know I am freakishly clean. A swarm of gnats it not only gross, it is unacceptable.) I had known that my roommates had left out some food that had attracted some unwanted grossness (and that I had refused to clean, because it wasn’t mine, and I’m five-years old), but I hadn’t know it had gotten this bad. I hid in my room and called my mom, almost in tears out of annoyance at everything messing up my attempt at positivity, at the fact that I was going to have to deal with the effects of everyone else’s messiness, at the fact that I’m the only one who cleans or who cares, at the two weeks (nay a month!) of things just being crappy. She calmed me down, and I decided to go to the gym to run and go to class, then just pick up some bug spray on the way home. (I had to kill the bugs before I could even shower since they had taken over the bathroom *shudder* I have problems cleaning in myself in a room that is, itself, vile.) 

I then walked twenty minutes to the gym, finally calming myself from the disgustingness of my living situation, when I looked into my wallet to find I didn’t have my school ID on me. Damn it. Since the BU gym nazi’s won’t let you into the gym without one, I now had to walk ALL the way back home to get it, thus taking up my running and study time. This is when I started getting pissed. I figured I might as well get bug spray now, so I picked some up, headed home, and started murdering bugs with a fiery rage. Not pretty. I even scared myself…and inhaled way too many bug spray fumes. 

I took my second walk to the gym with the satisfaction of knowing I had taken out a small army of gnats, but I was still pissed about missing my running time. I got through my (oddly painful) gym class and went home to study in my apartment that now smelled like my great-grandmother’s house, thanks to the bug spray. (Note to self: buy febreeze)

I, kind of sadly, couldn’t bring myself to shower in the still mildly bug infested bathroom, so I became as smelly as my apartment as I studied for the rest of the afternoon, trying to concentrate and not stew in annoyance. Five finally came and I headed out to take my final. I finished pretty quickly (first in my class), and when I went to hand in my paper, a girl I’ve talked to all session looked at me and exclaimed, “You’re done! God, I wish I was you.” 

If she only knew.

I left feeling alright about the test, but wanting nothing more than to finally get the run in I’d been waiting for all day. I popped on my iPod and headed toward the Esplanade (my favorite Boston running spot.) I plowed through the first half, feeling better than I had on my previous runs until I started feeling not so great about my knee. Five minutes later I could barely run, then barely walk, then I was limping down Park Street hoping I’d make it to my apartment. Wonderful. Why wouldn’t my day day need to be capped off by a debilitating knee injury? Thanks universe. 

Thankfully, last night I had a relaxing last night with Lynn, who leaves for home while I’m in NYC, eating out at my favorite restaurant, Picco in the South End, then going to the Lowes Theater to see “Get Smart.” (Funny, but not life changing, but how you can not love Steve Carrell?) My knee still killed as I walked up and down stairs, but today I’m feeling mildly better about it (and hoping to be able to run next week. All that progress can’t go to waste!)

Now I’m on the Bold Bus (Yay free WiFi!) FINALLY heading to NYC to visit some of my favorite people. A hopefully uplifting, upbeat post to follow this one AND THEN the great big 20-something bloggers’ blog swap post. Have a good weekend!



  1. Oh, man, I would have gone crazy by now if I were living in the same messy situation as you. I’d start piling up the dirty dishes and food at your roomie’s door in the hopes that he or she would get the point and start cleaning up. However, I am just that passive-agressive.

  2. Ughhh. I’m looking for a new roomie, come live with me!! I cannot stand dirty people.

    And I greatly admire your dedication to working out 🙂

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